i know i shouldn't be posting here. i know i shouldn't have any contact at all with him. right now i'm having a really hard time dealing with all of this. i have found out that i am totally not in touch with my emotions at all and that i have no trust in them whatsoever. do i love D? do i love H? i have no idea. my new mantra is "one day at a time." sometimes that brings me peace. but when your dreams are haunting you, sometimes one day can stretch out like forever. like today.
i feel like an addict. just one hit, just one fix, and i'll be fine. but i won't. it will be twice-three-a million times harder to stop. i saw D on wednesday, for a fleeting moment as i drove past him on my way out of work. i heard his voice. it echos in my ears. he doesn't want to stop. he doesn't want to rehabilitate. he is the drug that i need to stay away from. because echoing in those same ears are the tears of my husband. which one will sway me more? which one should be more important? which one will end up winning?
i have no idea.