advice is bullshit

i found this article online about how you can tell if your spouse is cheating. if you're an idiot, these things are true.

1. becomes emotionally distant, withdrawn or depressed. Most of those who had been cheated on reported this behavior. "He became self-absorbed," one woman told us, "living as if he was single with his own agenda and plans. He became more and more disinterested in me, our family, our friends and our daily needs." Another explained, "His attitude towards me changed gradually, from being an average attentive husband to nearly ignoring me completely towards the end." One man reported, "She showed no interest in improving our marriage. When I tried to show her affection she would not let me, especially not in public. Since the other man traveled in our circle of friends, I later realized she did not want the other man to see her being warm towards me."<p>


i'm thinking that maybe there were problems in the marriage to begin with if your spouse is becoming emotionally distant. like maybe you made fun of her or him the last time they tried to be emotional with you. i am no more distant that H originally was, or that we ever were.

2. The second most prominently reported of the signs of infidelity was the fact that the unfaithful spouse became angry, critical and even at times cruel. 70% of those surveyed reported this sign often coupled with emotional and verbal abuse, constant put downs and little to no patience.

i also don't do this. why would be short and angry with him? i'm the one who's being an asshole. of course he does things that irritate me, but personally i don't feel i can change those any more than a leopard can change his spots.
 
3. Third on the list of the signs of infidelity is the issue of controlvoiced by those who are cheating. Often they complain that their spouses are "controlling", yet they themselves are guilty of attempting to control. One betrayed spouse reported of their straying partner, "She insisted that I give her more space, that I stop smothering her, and give her room to breathe. Another said their unfaithful spouse began to express a "my way or the highway" type of attitude.

nope. i sit on that couch, come home when i say i will, cook dinner, smile, laugh, watch movies. yes, i have been spending more time in the other room or out of the house, but never would i say he's smothering me. i WISH he would smother me sometimes. 

4. Fourth on the list of the signs of infidelity was a reported increase in working hours, after work meetings, business trips and a need to work out of town for prolonged periods of time.



i think you're kind of stupid if you do this and think you're not going to get caught. would it be nice to spend some quality time with D away from the hustle and bustle of life? hell yes. but there's no way in hell i'm going to cough up some BS reason that H will see through in a second just to do that. don't get me wrong, i lie to my husband in order to spend time with D. but never overnight. and never more time than i would usually take to do something outside of the house.

5. The fifth and cruelest of the signs of infidelity on the list of our survey results (reported by 50% of those who participated) was illness of the one who is faithful.This is often more a contributing factor than a sign, thus the words of the song "You left me, just when I needed you most." One woman's husband moved the other woman into their home, during her brief hospitalization, the result of a chronic illness. Another woman's husband began his affair while she was laid up with knee surgery. Another during three weeks bedridden with a severe case of pneumonia, another in the ninth month of pregnancy (four days prior to giving birth to their child), and another during her period of recovery from a heart attack.

i call this the Newt Gringrich syndrome, who left his wife while she was battling breast cancer. i don't know what i would do if H or D got sick. let's hope that doesn't happen in the near future.

6. Number six on the list of signs of infidelity was paying extra close attention to their appearance, buying new clothes, losing weight, extra primping, working out at the gym and other sudden fitness endeavors.

i am in constant battle with my weight and my overall fitness. that being said, i have told H that i have been at the gym the last two times i've spent time with D. and when summer comes, i'll be gone from the house a hell of a lot more. oh, and D doesn't give a shit what i look like, so i buy clothes as the mood strikes me, which isn't often.

7. The seventh of the signs of infidelity was showing more energy and zeal for life, doing things they've never done before or a sudden interest in a new hobby or sport. Interestingly enough this sign was often accompanied by a contrasting lack of energy or depression. "He became withdrawn and seemed to have no energy. He napped or was gone a lot." So zeal for whatever is going on outside the home and lack of zeal for whatever is going on inside the home.

yes, i have more zeal for life because I'M NOT FUCKING BEING TAKEN FOR GRANTED. i enjoy being with D because H would rather sit inside and wait for life to come to him. i am BORED. if D were gay, i would still be hanging out with him and i would be honest with H about where i was going. i also don't really like being at home because it reminds me of how sad i am.

8. Becoming inappropriately defensive when asked questions, was number eight on our list of the signs of infidelity.

ha. what questions? and becoming defensive is the classic sign that you're doing something wrong, dumbass.

9. Signs of Infidelity number nine was becoming extra flirtatious with the opposite sex. One woman reported that it seemed strange the way her husband suddenly greeted other women with a kiss when they were out together visiting friends. (He also became defensive about it when questioned later.) Others reported that their spouse became very defensive about their 'right' to maintain private friendships with the opposite sex.

i am a flirtatious person by nature. i love to laugh and tease people, regardless of sex. oh, and i already have my hands full with one guy, i don't need another. the funny thing is that i mention this other guy from work all the time, so i think H thinks there's something up with him.

10. The tenth of the signs of infidelity was an obsessive need for 'private ness' and staying up late at night to work on the computer. When confronted with his excessive late night hours in front of the monitor, one cheater responded "it's none of your business. I'm entitled to my privacy." This is a typical response of an unfaithful spouse. Unfortunately the internet has opened up a whole new way to infidelity. When your spouse suddenly needs a private email or bank account (which they become highly defensive about maintaining) there is a good chance that they are hiding something, and that something is probably marital infidelity. Hiding credit card statements and phone bills are also among the signs of infidelity.

we have completely separate accounts, bank, cell phone, email. hell, he could be having an affair and i wouldn't know. i don't know his passwords and he doesn't know mine. that being said, i text all the fucking time on my phone. he asks me very rarely who i am texting and i rarely tell him the truth unless he sees the screen. then i just say i'm texting D because of some work-related thing or gossip.

Other signs of infidelity included noticing something different in your sex life (better, worse or just different), not always wearing their wedding ring (which they give amazingly believable reasons for), unaccounted for time and being caught lying (which they will explain away with various other reasons). Some people who participated reported noticing strange looks from their spouse, some reported that their spouse was uncomfortable discussing the issue of affairs, and some (definitely not all) reported an intuition that something was wrong. "I felt, call it intuition, that something was wrong but I could not put my finger on it. I would receive trickles of proof or red flags which in and of themselves did not totally make sense and coupled with my denial and my spouses manipulation of the truth it was, as I like to call it, crazy-making. I learned to pay attention to my spouse's behavior and not his words."

i am surprised i haven't been caught yet. maybe denial is what is preventing the reality from sinking in, but i haven't noticed any behavioral changes on H's part that he knows anything. and i don't think he'd be the type who could hide his irritation. i am a really liar, i wear my wedding ring at all times, and, when prompted, i account for my time in a way that is reasonable for me. our sex life has been falling by the way side for way longer than this has been going on. and, when we do have sex (sorry, D), it's like it always was, which kind of surprises me. maybe i'm just a really good actress. i have to say, if you're a bad liar, don't cheat.