When there is nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire

Over the course of this couple months I've lost everything I've cared deeply about. Maybe I am the bad guy. Maybe this is all karma coming to collect what is due of me. I don't know.

I've lost the promise of a new life coming into this world, the love of a wonderful caring woman, my house, my job situation has hit the shit, I'm putting my cat in temporary housing for a couple months, as well as my belongings. I have no place to call my own anymore. The worst part through all of this is that the one person I could rely on to talk me through all of this mess is gone. Nonexistent in my life. Gone when I needed her most. I don't know what life has in store for me, and quite frankly I'm afraid to find out. Every door that I've gone through in this life has come around to break my heart, and I honestly don't know if I have the courage to do it anymore. I am a thoroughly broken human being.

All I've ever wanted is to belong to someone, to someplace, to be accepted. All I've ever known is to be on the outside looking in. I have always been someones second or third best friend, an acquaintance, an uncle, a cousin. Life has never really revolved around me. Things have never been mine and mine alone.  In K, I thought that I finally had found that someone. The one person that looked at me differently. She did. She looked at me in a way that I had never known before. I was this persons best thing. I could see it in her eyes every time we met in a room, or on the street, or when I answered the door, or the time she collapsed in my arms when she answered hers.

I am screaming for help, for acceptance, for acknowledgement. But those screams are falling on deaf ears.