I decided to start a new blog over here if you wanna keep up with me and my shenanigans. Its gonna be over here at www.ashortandhappylife.blogspot.com
I decided not to keep posting my own stuff at this blog, well because this wasnt about me. But the new one will be, and if you enjoyed my writing, then well.....come on over. I'm not going to tell anyone I know about the new blog so i can keep it pretty much as I feel.
Look forward to seeing you there, and again.
Thanks.
D
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
baby steps......baby.....baby steps
I guess I wanted to update the few readers we had out there with my situation. Also to let you know this will be the last post I make here. I'm going to create a new blog of my own, and thats coming in the next day or so. I'll post the link here, and then leave this blog up to kind of serve as a reminder that.....well.... I don't know. I guess my only piece of advice to any guys or gals thinking of having an affair with a married person is......welll.....dont let your heart get involved. Do it for the sex, yes. But don't let yourself get fooled. The things you read on the internet are true.
I hit a really bad spot about a month and a half ago. I was so stricken with depression I couldnt move. I had the hopes of trying to get this relationship to a point where I thought things just might go my way. But every day that passed that I didnt hear from her, or didnt know what was going on, it was all I could think about or even do. Then came a letter from my apartment building the day after I paid my rent that they were choosing to not renew my lease. I guess theres a certain percentage they can raise your rent by in a renew, and to get out of it they just choose not to.
I was stuck, I couldnt move. I felt so sad that everything around me was crumbling. That I didnt have the will to get up. I let my apartment go to shit. I grew a beard. I didnt look for a new place. When the time came and I only had a week left, it was too late. Everything that was reasonably priced was gone. I fucked myself over with my own sadness, and I was choking on it.
Work was cutting my hours as well. The risk I had taken a few months back by accepting a part time job that was paying me more than my full time one was falling to shit as well. It just added to my depression. I felt like such a failure in every aspect of my life. Home, work, and love all just dissolving brick my brick in front of my eyes. Its honestly the lowest point I've ever experienced in my life. I felt alone, and desolate.
Towards the end of the month I was so exhausted my stress that all I would do is sleep. I talked to a friend and let him know what was going on. With a few days before I needed to move I summoned up the internal muster to find a place, but it wasnt going to be available until September. So without asking this friend told me to just pack up my shit and put it in storage and move in for a month.
So I gathered up my stuff, and I put it in storage, brought the cat along and that situation has been going well. We already spent a ton of time together, adding the sleeping part wasnt a huge deal. I do some cooking and cleaning to kind of make up for the fact that I'm taking up space. But all in all its been good.
Moving sucked, putting my stuff in storage sucked, and saying goodbye to the apartment was bittersweet. It was supposed to be a temporary stay for me anyway, and it survived two failed relationships. I had a lot of memories though, but its probably a good thing I moved.
The new place is in a different neighborhood. A little further away than I'd like, but still within a ten minute walk to the train. I don't really know anything about the neighborhood, or about whats around there, but thats a good thing. There's a good audio slave song called "doesnt remind me". Nothing about the new neighborhood will remind me of her. I'll stop looking for her car. She can stop driving by a place I don't live anymore. I'll post pics of the new place in my new blog. Its friggin huge! My cats gonna love it for sure. She's already enjoying the more space here. Wait til she see's the new digs.
Work hours have picked up again as well, but I'm actively looking for something new. I also met someone. Just a random kinda meeting that I wasnt expecting. But so far things have been great. We're hanging at a beercade this friday. Should be fun.
So keep your heads up little buccaneers. Good things are most certainly around the corner. I'll post a link in a few days. Yay!
I hit a really bad spot about a month and a half ago. I was so stricken with depression I couldnt move. I had the hopes of trying to get this relationship to a point where I thought things just might go my way. But every day that passed that I didnt hear from her, or didnt know what was going on, it was all I could think about or even do. Then came a letter from my apartment building the day after I paid my rent that they were choosing to not renew my lease. I guess theres a certain percentage they can raise your rent by in a renew, and to get out of it they just choose not to.
I was stuck, I couldnt move. I felt so sad that everything around me was crumbling. That I didnt have the will to get up. I let my apartment go to shit. I grew a beard. I didnt look for a new place. When the time came and I only had a week left, it was too late. Everything that was reasonably priced was gone. I fucked myself over with my own sadness, and I was choking on it.
Work was cutting my hours as well. The risk I had taken a few months back by accepting a part time job that was paying me more than my full time one was falling to shit as well. It just added to my depression. I felt like such a failure in every aspect of my life. Home, work, and love all just dissolving brick my brick in front of my eyes. Its honestly the lowest point I've ever experienced in my life. I felt alone, and desolate.
Towards the end of the month I was so exhausted my stress that all I would do is sleep. I talked to a friend and let him know what was going on. With a few days before I needed to move I summoned up the internal muster to find a place, but it wasnt going to be available until September. So without asking this friend told me to just pack up my shit and put it in storage and move in for a month.
So I gathered up my stuff, and I put it in storage, brought the cat along and that situation has been going well. We already spent a ton of time together, adding the sleeping part wasnt a huge deal. I do some cooking and cleaning to kind of make up for the fact that I'm taking up space. But all in all its been good.
Moving sucked, putting my stuff in storage sucked, and saying goodbye to the apartment was bittersweet. It was supposed to be a temporary stay for me anyway, and it survived two failed relationships. I had a lot of memories though, but its probably a good thing I moved.
The new place is in a different neighborhood. A little further away than I'd like, but still within a ten minute walk to the train. I don't really know anything about the neighborhood, or about whats around there, but thats a good thing. There's a good audio slave song called "doesnt remind me". Nothing about the new neighborhood will remind me of her. I'll stop looking for her car. She can stop driving by a place I don't live anymore. I'll post pics of the new place in my new blog. Its friggin huge! My cats gonna love it for sure. She's already enjoying the more space here. Wait til she see's the new digs.
Work hours have picked up again as well, but I'm actively looking for something new. I also met someone. Just a random kinda meeting that I wasnt expecting. But so far things have been great. We're hanging at a beercade this friday. Should be fun.
So keep your heads up little buccaneers. Good things are most certainly around the corner. I'll post a link in a few days. Yay!
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Au revoir
I am tired. I never wanted things to be like this. I didn't want to have the only communication we had to be quibbling over one thing or another. Or the only way to show that we were thinking about the other to have some number changing/ blog erasing/ permission denying shitty relationship.
After her husband found out, she stopped communicating. Until she posted here, we talked, her husband insisted on her changing her number. I still followed her on twitter, read her blog. I commented on her twitter post. She blocked me on twitter.
She texted me from her new number claiming she forgot, I commented on her blog and so she blocked that. Took down this blog. Her only way of communicating with me is hostility, when I've never shown an inch of it towards her.
So here's the thing. I'm done. I'm done trying. I'm done trying to extend out an olive branch. I'm done trying to be nice and care. I'm just done.
So, I'll leave things with a song. And I'll put up a couple posts that were never meant to be seen.